Chi Chi Don Hang Boot Oo!!

My name is  sister Nkemakonam. I don’t care how you think my name sounds, I like it like that. Chichi is off the market oo, she’s getting married very soon. She’s a gospel artiste, who say dem no dey marry good girls again? See ehnnn every time a girl I know gets married my mind dey cut. Shut up! It’s not that I’m not happy for them, I feel a certain anxiety that “very soon na only me go remain”. I always liken getting married to hanging boot by footballers. You know when the player is off the market for good, dem go say e don hang boot. Meaning he won’t play again professionally. For us girls it feels the same, I mean we practically hang our boots when we get married, no more playing with boys and breaking their hearts,( ehnn na 1-1, dem dey break our own too), we become domesticated, no more being a wild animal and partying anyhow where one idiot will be saying “excuse me can we dance” mtchewwww “nonsense and shake what your mama gave you”. And if you don’t see it from the angle of playing and wilding, we’re hanging our boots from being chased, no be small run we dey run oo, so much for “who run the world? Girls girls” Beyoncé has given us assignment, run girls…just runnnn!!. Ah nobody and nothing wey no dey chase us oo, rich man with empty brain,six packs with 2k bank balance, church boy with strong sex addiction, decent guy with a boring life. Hei God! they will all be chasing us upandan. It’s important to run from the ones you don’t fancy or dem go carry you go where you no know. And even when you slow down or give the ones you like a chance, they will prepare breakfast for you in the presence of your enemies, e no easy at all. So when a man finally proposes, in the sisters hall of fame it is such a big deal. You’re going to rest from all the demons and principalities with a penis, no more running. Although some possessed members of the male species will still chase you when you’re married, but even though even though we’ll cross that bridge when we reach it. The way I imagine it in my head ehnnn, you’ll be walking along the hall of fame while other sisters will be clapping for you, you hold your two boots proudly, the ones that carried your legs swiftly and you go to “the place on the wall” where your name is now embossed in gold and hang your boots, you walk out of the hall of fame as you bid your sisters farewell. It’s sweeter in my head trust me.

I’ve been seeing this guy for two weeks and just today he calls me to say “please I need your assistance…”Ah ah uncleeee”, I hate when men ask for money, I prefer to give money or gifts without someone asking and I expect the same, it’s the reason I will never ask any man for money or anything. If your initiative doesn’t tell you then no wahala. To think I’ve been practicing hanging my boots in my imaginary “sisters hall of fame“ because of the faith I had in this guy, is sad. Omo as he ask me for money when e never even reach two weeks of “I love you,I miss you” I don jejely find my boot wear, the street is calling nwanne. I’m available again come and chase me brothers. If I like you I’ll slow down, if you have car sef you’ll easily catch up with me (if you like say I’m materialistic, na you know) I’m joking oo or am I? My brothers abeg chase me before my biological referee abi na clock blow whistle. Wait, do clocks blow whistles or sound alarms? abeg anyone!