Aristo Without The Totle

 You already know I’m sister Nkemakonam, the pressure I’ve been feeling because my nudes leaked on the church WhatsApp group has been really intense. To go out sef na wahala. Apart from mad people, it feels like everyone has heard and is judging me for it. So against my will, I reached out to one of my girlfriends in Benin, since she had her own place and all. She is one of these spoilt rich kids, at least that’s what I know. To beg person something dey hard me oo, so I thought hard about how I was going to send the text without being a bother. I’m not one to bother people, but I just type the text laidat 

“Babe I wan dey your side for a few weeks I’m dealing with a lot for this Port Harcourt wey I dey so”. 

She agreed at once. Thank God sef because I no get power for follow up questions like 

“Is everything okay?”, “what happened?” , “how long you go stay?”

I arrived Benin and mehnn no offence, in fact vex if you like, the city is one kain and stressful biko. There are places you can’t be picked up from, the Uber driver told me to trek towards a four storey building after one traffic light at a place called Akpakpava. He said

“Madam no vex I no wan make dem hol’ me”

mtchewwww nawa oo (yes I sabi hiss, is that a problem now?)

I reached my friend Osas’ house, Omo see house wey this small girl dey live. By the way, Osas and I went to University together and she has always loved the fast life. Party girl, enjoyment girl. Why do the bad girls always win biko? Me wey face book for school, now I dey look Facebook dey see as others dey chop life (did you see what I did there?). 

The seats in Osas’ living room were tech gray, dunno if that makes sense but I feel tech has its own shade of grey. If you like stay there and be asking questions, mtchewwww (yes I hissed again, so what?). Osas’ flat screen TV was bigger than my future. The walls of the living room were a lighter shade of grey(with this whole grey situation, una sure say this girl never join cult?). There was the chandelier that looked like a machine from the future hanging from the dropped ceiling or POP ceiling like some people say, there was a glass partition between the parlour and dinning area. The dinning table and seats had a quality that only taeillo can render. There were artworks on the wall, one stood out, a face made with brick-like pixels in different colors. I’d never understand the beauty behind someone’s head pieced together with different colors of brick or something but maybe when I have money I’ll understand, for now no judgements. There was a beautiful DIY clock on the wall. My head screamed “Nkemakonam the world don leave you behind oo”. But what did I do wrong? I was a good girl or was I? Abi I was neither here nor there. I was intrigued by so many things in that living room, but make I leave the descriptions and admiration before e come dey obvious say I never see dem before. I sat down taking in the rich smell while there was a sort of discord between the rich cushion and my broke ass, because as comfortable as the chair was, I was uncomfortable. There’s probably a reason why poor people are uncomfortable around rich folk, a psychological one maybe. But I go get this money no worry.

I spent the next few days eating good food, relaxing and taking in the beautiful view of Benin from the guest room that Osas gave me. It’s not like Benin is fine sha, it’s just that anything can be fine if you’re looking at it from a rich man’s window or point of view. I also started asking Osas how I can make some of this money, she always would say 

“the hustle no easy o my sister”. 

I was tired of hearing that rubbish. E no easy naim you buy CLA 250 Benz, come get bag collection wey pass all the awards wey MJ win for him lifetime. I told her matter of fact that her “not-so-straightforward” answers were making me impatient and annoyed. So after about a week, she sat me down and while waving her “rich aunty” cocktail ringed finger here and there she explained:

“You have to use what you have to get what you want. Luckily I have the connections already, so it should be easy”. This girl was talking of ashawo work oo. Listen, if you’re a girl, I bet this thing don cross your mind or you don do am or you don wonder say “what’s the worst that can happen?”. I’m in the last category but I told her I was ready. She decided to take and show me where she started, it was a Friday. If you’re an ashawo in Benin or you pick them up you’ll know Ihama road side (I’ll call your name if you deny). She took me there, I swear the girls I saw there are the ones that come to do influencer on instagram in the day time, but for night it’s another kind of influencing. I used to think that ashawo was for old haggard looking ladies, na lie oo. My sister come and see beautiful girls everywhere. My friend explained as she drove,

“some of these girls can make up to 30-50k per night”. 

I opened my eyes in disbelief and quickly multiplied that by 5 working days, that was 600k a month or 1 million a month for 50k a night. Nna you sure say I no go pack come Benin? Stay there dey judge me oo. Osas suddenly stopped the car and said 

“babe come down”

“Ah ah, I thought you said you have connect, that someone will call us on the phone” I said becoming a bit uncomfortable

“Aunty come down make you see as I take start the hustle”

I quickly picked my face mask, my dear face mask no be for Covid alone oo, we dey use am hide, make person no fit spot us for some kind bad places”. 

Osas explained that she wanted me to get used to the hustle first because everyday won’t be Christmas, that we wouldn’t always have prearranged appointments with clients. See her yeye mouth like “appointments with clients”, sha na me dey find money. We stood on the road with my short black gown, it was hers actually. The wicked cold Benin breeze was freezing my skin and blowing my dress, I held it, Osas reprimanded me. 

“Leave am, e dey show your asset” 

I felt naked and ashamed.

“Remove your face mask abeg, how will they approach you if your face is masked”. I removed the mask reluctantly. I felt humiliated, Osas stood unbothered. After about 20 minutes that felt like 20 years a car pulled up in front of us.

“Fine girl” the man said and smiled at me

“How much a night now”

I didn’t know what to say

“50 thousand Naira a night” Osas added. 

“No be you I dey follow talk” he said to Osas. Osas told him I was working for her and that 50k was the last price, the man said he’ll rather pay 30k. See as dem dey price me like nama, I don suffer sha. The man drove off to meet another set of girls. Osas explained that she just insisted on 50k so that the man would leave but that if we didn’t have an existing arrangement then the 30k wasn’t bad. Her phone was ringing and she just said

“No wahala we dey come”. 

The 30k man came again and said he has agreed to pay the 50k that he just likes me. Osas answered 

“person wey wan pay pass you don call us”. 

The man started to curse, Osas replied with 

“na your mama *** dey smell”. She drove off like a maniac. Again she explained that sometimes when customers come back with that “I just like you” line, that you should let your sixth sense guide you, because they could be ritualists. I started seeing how not so easy this whole thing was, the shame, the dangers, hmmm Nawa oo make I no conclude sha. We drove for a few minutes to a place called Quid. Before we got in, she instructed that I should act like this wasn’t new, no awkward walks or looks on my face, just a baddie’s confidence that’s all. This one hard pass structural mechanics oo. I walked in conscious not to drag my short dress down. I thought of smiling but thought against it, it wasn’t a beauty pageant and baddies don’t smile. I suddenly thought of myself as cat woman, some sort of superhero. It helped somehow. In reality, this night I wasn’t a superhero I was a wannabe ashawo trying to save herself from being broke rather than saving the world. We sat at the well lit bar with finely finished wooden frames and beams well decorated with green flowers spiraling from the beams to the wooden columns giving it a garden-like feel. The music made hearing a bit difficult. I was taking in the architecture of the place like I was on a structural engineering excursion.

“Hi fine girl, what’s your name” 

one of the guys asked. I was really going to say Nkemakonam, but Osas added 

“Ivy is her name”. 

E concern them, cos maybe I would’ve said “Konam” or something just to make it stylish, but I’d never pick someone’s name over mine. But tonight I’ll let it slide sha, I’ll let my ashawo name be Ivy. This Konam thing I though of reminded me of the Konami games I played with my brothers while we were growing up. No! I’ll try not to think of family right now cos I’m messing up big time, I’ll feel guilty the more I thought of them. 250k a night for me, Osas had concluded codedly with one of the guys we were sitting with. She and the guy discussed something about “special services”, I wasn’t sure of what I heard anyways. I wanted to shout when I heard the amount, you sure say dem no go say make I born give the guy? The guy was a fine bini guy, the first bini guy that didn’t bleach his skin, cos bleaching was a thing here. He had his wedding band on, which suggested he was the type whose wife and kids either lived in Lagos or abroad. He had a rich fine smile but he was still a stranger to me. I had to go with him. I felt like a child leaving her mama for her first day at school, didn’t want to leave Osas but I didn’t want to show it. We got into his car and left.

When we got to his place which was only a five minute drive,I could see why he wasn’t bothered about paying 250k for ordinary… abeg my thing is not ordinary, I deserve this. See me shamelessly doing affirmations ontop ashawo work. He lived in an “MTV-base-welcome-to-my-crib” type duplex. I was saying Osas had money, but this boy ehnn money had him, if there’s anything like that. He must be a yahoo boy and a thought hit me, shebi they say some yahoo boys sleep with girls as a ritual and with time the girls run mad. I became afraid oo. But I couldn’t cover myself with the blood of Jesus, because no be Him send me come here. We got inside and although I wanted to say “you have a nice place” fear no gree me. He poured himself whisky  or maybe something else, I no dey drink wetin I sabi. He asked what I wanted I said I was good.

He asked if I wanted the cash first or after business, Omo pay me my money before anything. Wait, so I wan run mad for 250k, cos this money can’t come that easily. He asked for account my details, and when I saw the alert a few minutes later I started relaxing a little. The love of money is really the root of all evil oo. I went upstairs to freshen up, I came downstairs imagining that we would use “Netflix and Chills” as the catalyst to “knacks”. The uncle I met downstairs was totally transformed. He dressed somewhat like a warrior from pre-medieval Sparta with a whip in his hands as he saw me descend the stairs, he stretched the whip and it crackled. “Jesus” I screamed inside. Then I remembered “special services”. No wonderrrrr, hei I don die. He smiled, 

“I know you’re a bad girl, I’ll have to punish that your big butt, come over here”. 

Punish me say I do wetin? I didn’t say that out loud though. Uncle’s hardness and whip and costume scared the hell out of me. I stood on the stairs thinking very quickly. The way I did back in Uni when one girl said I was lucky I had big ass, because my small boobs were a total waste, in front of a lot of guys in the engineering faculty. How I stood thinking of a verbal rebuttal that fateful day. How I told her I was fortunate and she was unfortunate because I could donate enough ass to go around for her generation and family of flat-assed women. I remember how that rebuttal worked, how all the guys laughed at the girl. This moment I needed that quietness so that I could think myself out of this 250k mess. Then he said 

“would you prefer we start from the red room” I didn’t know what that was although it sounded familiar. But that was when my moment came. 

“Do you have handcuffs” I said as foxily as I could, 

“I like to take the lead first”. I quickly added. I saw the excitement in his eyes though the rest of his face was masked.

“I have cuffs baby, this night is going to be exciting” he spanked my butt excitedly, my heart jumped out of my mouth and I died a thousand times out of morbid fear. I led him back to the room nervously but I didn’t let it show. Then I said trying to sound as relaxed as possible

“You lie down, I’ll cuff you and give you wicked and painful pleasure then we go to the red room” wherever that is I thought to myself. He lay like a child and pointed to the drawer. 

“The cuffs are in there”. 

I cuffed his wrists very firmly to the bed. I added blindfold to the game he got even more excited. 

“I’ll need a lotion and ice cubes” I said.  Nwannem Thank God for oyibo feem oo. All these ones I’m saying is application of feem(film) knowledge, you know all those things wey we dey see for feem? Ehen. He said ice cubes were in the fridge downstairs, that it should be easy to find. The lotion was in his room. With the blindfold in place, my people I packed my clothes, dressed up downstairs and went out. I told the gateman that his Oga said I should pick up cakes from cake house down the road. “Why you carry your bag” he asked.

I shot him a bad look and said 

“how would I pay for the cake, I’ll have to take out cash from my bag durrrh”. No worry I just intimidate the poor man and luckily Oga shouted, 

“baby I’m waiting don’t be long okay?”. I opened my hands to the gateman as if to say “you see?” My people as soon as I was out of that compound, I ordered a ride at that ungodly hour to the nearest hotel. I couldn’t go back to Osas’ place, because aunty fit bundle me go back that guy house, didn’t want to take chances. The next morning, I left really early from the hotel straight to Port Harcourt. Osas can keep my luggage, it’s not worth up to the 250k sitting in my account. I go be good girl abeg, before dem use me do wetin I no know. Better to go back to Port Harcourt and face the shame from my mistakes, than become a victim of abuse in the name of 250k worth of masochist sex.